Perhaps I should become a Driver’s Ed teacher?

I’m a very good driver. A Very cautious, law abiding, general all around good driver.

Knock on wood, I have never gotten a speeding ticket or been in an accident. I have been pulled over 3 times. Twice for headlight issues (one time one was out and the other time I forgot to turn off my brights) and once for expired tags, but I had the new ones in my purse.

My family makes fun of me for the way I drive. I was never the one they expected to be the good driver. (Not that my sister is a bad one.) They can make fun of me all they want, I’d rather be referred to as “grandma” when I’m behind the wheel than pay a higher insurance premium or you know, be dead.

Now to be called “grandma” isn’t really fair since I tend to yell at elderly drivers. I do go 3-5 miles above the suggested speed limit, whereas I’ve noticed the elderly go 3-5 miles below the suggested speed limit.

Actually, I tend to yell at a lot of people while I’m driving. I blame it on my commute. An average of one hour a day spent driving to and from work on the highway in the middle of Nascar country will do that to you. I yell at the crazies who think we’re at the Daytona 500. Or the crazies who ride my butt and then whip out to pass me on the right. Or the people who drive the exact speed limit while in the fast lane. Or, the worst, the crazies who think they’re at the Daytona 500 who are so dead set on getting around me, the me that’s stuck behind some idiot going exactly 65 mph, that they ignore my blinker indicating I will concede and pull into the slower lane, and whip around me on the right, thereby negating any chance I had of getting out of people’s way. It’s all connected.

I hate talking on my cell phone while I drive b/c if I do it means I can’t yell at the idiot driving next to me for being on his cell phone. I never get through my entire travel mug of coffee b/c I like to keep both hands on the wheel at all times.

I’m a terrible passenger. I will ride the imaginary brake. I will grab onto that “oh shit” bar. I will yell at you to get off the phone, stop talking with your hands, and stay in your lane, just like you’re someone driving in a completely different car. I will always check over your shoulder when you start to indicate wanting to change lanes or merge onto the highway. And I will ask you if your turn signal is broken when you fail to use it.

So I guess what I’m saying is be my passenger, don’t let me be yours. Or, maybe I should just move to a city with Mass Transit?

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 4