When I was younger the question that I got asked most often was “Do you have a boyfriend?” I’d giggle and respond happily if I happened to have a boyfriend. I’d glare and mumble if I didn’t.
Then as I grew older it was “when are you going to get married?” Before I met my husband this question bothered me immensely. When I was dating my husband, I realized I didn’t mind this question so much b/c I knew it was only a matter of time.
Now that I’m married, I wonder why is it that the next step is to ask me “when are you going to have babies?
This question? Bothers the crap out of me. It is so much more invasive than the previous questions. Also? It’s none of your damn business. When I’m pregnant and I’m at a time where I’m ready to tell you that I’m pregnant (read, after the first trimester)…don’t you worry, I’ll be shouting it from the mountain tops.
People never stop to think this question through. It’s like the ring on my finger is their go ahead to ask me one of the, quite possibly, rudest questions in existence. I’ve only been married 6 months and I’m already getting requests from people to “let [them] know when I’m expecting.”
I’ve actually been mistaken for pregnant more times than I’d like. About once a week to be perfectly honest. You see I carry all of my weight in my gut. I have a round little (ok big) Buddha belly and I can’t resist rubbing it sometimes. When I was seventeen I worked in a candy store and one day I was wearing overalls and was absentmindedly rubbing my belly when a customer while paying for her treats asked me “when is the blessed event?”
Pardon?
A few months ago I was standing at a vending machine, again absentmindedly rubbing my belly and this time talking to myself, when another complete stranger approached and asked “what does baby want to eat?”
Come again?
I realize that these two examples make it appear that I’m asking for it, and perhaps I am. Perhaps I should do a few more crunches. But I doubt that would do the trick. I’ve had my Buddha belly since childhood, I’m pretty sure that layer of fat is there to stay.
But back to my original point. Asking someone when they’re going to start a family is rude and completely inappropriate on several points.
- Maybe I’ve just gained a slight bit of weight since I’ve been married. I don’t see it as that big a deal since my husband doesn’t seem to mind. But you asking me if I’m pregnant? Sends up the red flag that I should workout more and eat less.
- What if I’m trying to get pregnant and I’m failing? You’re just rubbing my face in my defeat.
- What if I know I can’t ever get pregnant? Don’t you think your question is a slight bit insensitive?
Also, ladies who are getting married and are registered at TheKnot.com be prepared to open your email the day after your wedding to find new emails from TheNest.com.
No joke. The.Day.After.
Universe? I realize that babies are the next logical step, but seriously? Can I please enjoy being married first?
By the way, I’m not pregnant nor am I planning on becoming pregnant in the near future. 
*kisses*
Yay, babies!
Haha… I think the overalls are a sure fire way to be asked if you’re pregnant. That happened to me once, and I was like 15. Needless to say, I wasn’t a very happy high schooler. And I’m very glad you get to enjoy your marriage first. Because having a baby as soon as I’m married? Scares the crap outta me.
I am SO NOT looking forward to those questions!! Thankfully it seems like D is getting them more then me at this point. I actually had a guy at a liquor store ask me when I was due about 2 or 3 summers ago, while I was holding an 18 pack of beer & a bottle of vodka. Interesting, no?
I so hear you. On all counts. What’s worse is when you ARE about ready for a baby, but your bank account isn’t, and people ask you. “Oh, actually, we’re starting a baby fund! Care to contribute?”
As far as the whole mistaken for a pregnant lady thing, I always just tried to make the person feel as bad and awkward as possible.
Yup, I’ve been getting that question too. And it bugs the hell outta me. Because? My/our family planning is none of your business if you’re not my family. (My family has been good about not questioning, and they are the ones most likely to be affected!) Plus? The question I get the most is: “When are you planning to have kids? Are you trying now?” Which is basically asking, “Are you having a lot of sex?” And really? That’s my business, thankyouverymuch. Not yours.
People are just incredibly rude and nosey, and even I, who am currently NOT MARRIED, get asked all the time when I’m going to have kids. But maybe that’s just because I’m old.
i used to work at Vickies and we had this dress code of “90%” black, meaning black slacks and a blazer and whatever top we wanted basically, one day i was wearing these skinny black slacks with one of the tops that are bunched tubes at the top and billow out almost like a dress under the bust line and around 1 pm (working the cash register) one of the girls came back from lunch with a milkshake and I was bemoaning how hungry i was and the woman i was ringing up said, i shit you not, ” Oh, i know exactly how you feel, when are you due?”
cut to me, “What?! I’m not pregnant bitch!”
hmmm, did NOT get fired, worked in Ft Lauderdale, was the ONLY white girl at the store…
oh and,
when are you having a baby?
Yeah, I don’t understand that mentality. Especially these days when so many people get married later and run into so many challenges getting pregnant. It’s all for very selfish reason (i.e., the need to know) people ask these questions. Clearly, it provides no benefit to you.
And The Knot? I’m so tired of their daily emails and bullshit. I’ve tried using that website as a resource and it’s incredibly frustrating. I have yet to walk away with a positive experience or resources I go on to actually use. Maybe I can delete my account there now to avoid The Nest bullcrap. Sigh.
Ohhh babies. Cute as they are, I’m sure it’s nice to enjoy your marriage first! I would NEVER assume someone is pregnant unless they are clearly 8 months in. That is just so presumptuous!
i think your post title pretty much sums it up.
ha I have a little belly too. nobody sees it unless i wear a dress. believe me, all the crunches in the world don’t make it go away. i’ve tried- don’t bother.
It never ceases to amaze me how DUMB some people are.
I hate that question too! And its truly for all the reasons you just cited.
You never know someone’s personal decisions or just their life in general. Perhaps they’re infertile? Perhaps they’ve been trying for years with no luck?
Its totally inappropriate.
Asking someone when they’re going to have babies is completely inappropriate. I get the “when are you getting married?” question all the time, and I can only imagine how annoying the baby one is. I mean, I already have pressure from my Mom about having a baby.
Mom? You shoulda had more kids if you want 3 grandkids.
Someone asked my friend when she was due, and she’d already had her baby.
Oh, and when people ask when I’m getting married, I tell them “Never-uary the third.”
Now that all my friends have started getting married and I am not, people ask all the time when WB and I are going to get married. My reply? I don’t know, when are you going to get divorced? It normally shuts them up.
i rub the lower half of my belly all the time too! i even rest my hand on it when i’m just relaxing. i often think people will think i’m pregnant if i keep rubbing my belly… but it’s really comforting for some reason.
and i can’t imagine how awful it would be to ask someone who can’t have babies when they’re going to have them. that’s why i never ask. ever. i even think about it sometimes when i think about having babies myself. i always say i’m going to have some, but i guess i wouldn’t realize i couldn’t until i try. that’s why i don’t tell most people that’s part of my plan. i can’t imagine having to tell them all later that i’m not because i can’t.
Amen sister.
Noah’s mom? Seriously. Back the F off. My Grandma? Those trains that Grandpa is making? Are not for “little Hutson.” They are for Noah. Thanks tho.
That sounds SO annoying. Also, the belly thing? It’s the curse of being female. Unfortunately even our bodies want us to give birth and need to layer that area with fat to keep the future baby warm.
And I rub my tummy too.
Wonderful post and very true. I can’t have kids and had an unwanted hysterectomy right before I got married so whenever people would ask me when I was having children or why I don’t know have them I would get upset. I think it’s SO rude!
I always wondered about people who asked this question. Like someday someone will answer, “I plan on becoming pregnant on Tuesday, March 18th at 9 pm. Would you like to be a witness?”
Gah.
Good for you, Mim. I’ve always found it to be incredibly rude when someone either guesses that you’re pregnant or asks you when it’s going to happen. It’s such a personal decision and, this day and age, it’s something that so many women struggle with – mentally and biologically. The last thing they need is additional pressure from thoughtless and nosy strangers.
The next time someone asks you when the baby is due, turn around and ask them when they’re being fitted for a muzzle. That should shut them up.
I believe you already know my thoughts on this subject. And the simple fact of a 96% chance of never having a child of mine own does depress me a bit. So for the record: if you see a slightly overweight woman…don’t assume she’s pregnant. You may hurt them more than you realize. Especially if they just lost a child, which was the case with my cousin.
And after my engagment ended it was one of the harder things to deal with. The common questions of “When’s the wedding?” or “How’s that soon to be hubby” really begin to take a toll on you. Even if it is meant with the up most respect and care.
And seriously, you do not have a freaking belly. Shut. Up. Lol. Nor do you look pregnant, like you said most just assume that is the next step in your life. Assumptions can be quite painful.
Ugh I’m annoyed for you. We’re already being asked the pregnany question and there’s still seven months before we even get married! Lay off! And also, if you’re happy with your body then you’re happy with your body. Screw what people say!
Amen to that sister. I had people asking me about it after about a month of marriage. I mean, damn yo, am I not allowed to just enjoy life with my husband for a little while without popping out babies immediately?? It’s way too much completely unnecessary pressure, and it should STOP!
Holler. At. My. Dogggg.
Amen. I love children and all, but the fact that at the end of the day, I can return them to their parents? Even more.
I agree and would go one further to say the “When you are getting married?” question is also kind of rude. I think dumping your own personal time lines and agendas on other people is shitty, regardless the particular issue. I’ve started to give creative answers, such as “Maybe I already did and you weren’t invited,” to shut people up. They usually don’t get it and laugh.
Granted I’m not married yet, but I definitely agree with everything you just laid out there. Whenever people ask anything major about my life I always get a little hesitant…I don’t even want to think about the baby question yet, oy.
Oh my goodness, just came back form a wedding, and now the spotlight is on me as “the next one” to get married. Hate it. Being asked for kids must be worse.
That question sucks! I agree with you completely about all those questions. I’ve got the same round pot belly! I often think…so this is what it might look like.
On the other hand…I do wonder what the next question is after you have kids??
As if they won’t know sooner or later if you are pregnant.
*sigh*
You’re married and NOT already pregnant?! Shame on you, Miriam. Scourge of the family! Quit bragging like that kind of behavior is normal! I can’t promise that I can remain in contact with this blog if you keep flaunting your heathen lifestyle!
It occurred to me that just last week you said to someone,
“I’m sorry if I’ve upset you but that’s how I feel…I don’t have a filter–I just don’t see the point in it.” Maybe all of those “babytalkers” have the same attitude. Hmm…
I soo feel you on this. I’m not married, and look too young to be planning for a baby. But still! People ask me, and I’ve vented about this on my site I know, but they ask me when I’m sick if it’s because I’m pregnant. They don’t even use a euphemism. No, “Are you expecting” or “Is it morning sickness?” Always with the “What? Are you pregnant?”
I am more than a baby maker, people! GAH!
[...] My husband? Does not. It scares him. He’s actually frightened about me being pregnant (NO! still not pregnant…we’re talking future me!) and doing this. He’s afraid I’ll run into some [...]
Don’t you hate that shit? When I was engaged to V people would ask us all the time. Umm, hello?? We weren’t even married yet!
i get that question all the time…but whats worse is this: “so when do you guys wanna have kids?” normally i’ll be honest and say oh like 4 or 5 years and people look at me like i have something coming out of my ears. i’m 22 people! my ovaries will not be dried up by the age of 26. sheesh.