My cats have reached a new low.
Sometimes when I’m going around cleaning or just being the busy bee that I am, I catch something out of the corner of my eye that makes me stop all of a sudden. I stop b/c I notice Joker sitting outside of Ozzy’s kennel. (Ozzy has to be kenneled when I’m cleaning, b/c he likes to run under beds or get into what I’m doing or get under my feet.) Not realizing he’s being watched, Joker will continually stick his paw in and out of the cage. I like to think that he has two inner monologues going on. (Do you ever do that? Speak for your animals? Do they have different voices like mine do?)
Inner Monologue #1
“Come on, try and get me. Oops! Too slow…Come on! You can do it, hahahahaha too slow!”
Inner Monologue #2
“I’m on the outside, neener neener, neener.”
Apparently Joker is an ass.
This is not the new low of which I speak, however. This is just set up for an accusation I’m about to make.
We all know that the cats, they love the Christmas tree. I’ve given up fixing it. Yesterday before I left for work I noticed one of my husband’s childhood ornaments (you know, reindeer made out of Popsicle sticks and clothespins) was lying on the floor. Being in great haste, I didn’t pick it up.
When I got home, I went to let Ozzy out and noticed something all over the bottom of his kennel. Wood shavings, to be precise.
Somehow, somehow the cats *ahem* cat (b/c I’m blaming Joker for this one. I’d usually blame Harley, she’s the brat of the group.) managed to get this ornament into Ozzy’s cage. And Ozzy, promptly destroyed it.
Don’t worry, I’ve been keeping an eye on Ozzy and he’s fine. He either didn’t swallow any wood chips or his stomach acid broke it down b/c I haven’t seen any signs of wood chips since. And Ozzy is very regular, if you know what I mean.
I’m kind of irritated with all of the animals right now. I used to imagine they would have conversations throughout the day. Something like this :
Harley: “I’m bored. I’m totally going to try and sit in the tree! That looks like it would be so much fun!”
Joker: “I’m bored too. I’m going to sit here and screw with the dog’s head.”
Ozzy: “Guys, guys! Mommy and Daddy are going to be mad! Don’t sit in the tree, don’t do it. I watch mommy fix it everyday and I know it upsets her b/c this is her favorite time of year, besides Halloween. And Joker, stop it….stop it! I mean it!”
Apparently Ozzy is my little angel. Also, he whines.
But now I think that conversations go more like this:
Harley: “I’m totally going to try and sit in the tree. And on my way, I’m going to knock down as many ornaments as I possibly can. And this time I’m really going to mess up the tree.”
Joker: “Yes! Go for it! And while I’m tormenting the dog, why don’t you throw an ornament my way and I’ll play hockey with the dog. But make sure it’s a wooden ornament that could be hazardous to his health.”
Ozzy: “Harley, get down. But on your way, I’ve been eying that sweet looking Popsicle stick and clothespin Reindeer, could you knock that over to Joker? And Joker, b/c you’re a serious pain in the ass and feel like messing with me every day, why don’t you put yourself to good use and somehow finagle that ornament into the cage so I can destroy it while daydreaming it’s you. Because seriously dude, one of these days I will retaliate and then you’ll be sorry.”
This is why I can’t have 3 children. Can you imagine what it would be like?
*kisses*
hahahaha im sorry to say but i do think cats are a little evil! okay, maybe just devious!! keep an eye on them. and dont worry, cats (and dogs) can eat just about anything and survive, my dog has done some amazing things!!
Ohhh wow. I totally do that too. But it’s the dogs against the cats. (the cats want to go outside…but can’t) How upset was hubby to find out about that ornament?!
Oh no!! Hahaha. I always imagine my dog talks to me or has inner monologues. Cats are devious.
I actually used you as an example of the Cats and Dogs Living Together in Harmony argument I had last night. When HOM asked, “Who’s Miriam?” I panicked and said “Uhh, a girl I work with?” He laughed and said, “Now you’re making people up just so you can get a cat!”
Um, if you only knew about all the time I spend creating dialogues between the dogs. And I can’t wait to have kids. Even more fun!
Joker sounds like he’s very appropriately named.
I want animals so that I can have inner monologues for them!
Haha. That’s hilarious. And yes, my cat has a monologue. By herself.
hilarious. i do the inner dialogue with my cats too. if only i could REALLY know what they were thinking… lol
hahahahaha! Tooooo funny! I totally give my dog voices and imagine how she would act in certain scenarios. It’ll be even funner when you have kids
Hahahaha! I totally used to create inner monologues for my family’s dog too. She was one hilarious black lab.
*giggle*
As I think I mentioned before, your cats totally have opposable thumbs or something. They are craftier than your average feline.
Ah yes, they are such trouble makers it drives me crazy. Whoever said pets are a good precursor to children doesn’t know what they are talking about…now I DON’T want to have kids!
hahaha funny, even for a person without any pets….and so I hold my conversations with the inanimate objects.
Noah says the cat is German and runs up incredibly large phone bills calling all his friends in Germany when we go on vacation. The dog is a whiney gay man with a really high pitched voice. Cat also owns his own barber shop named Mr. Kitty Snips and Cuts. He even has an ad for his store. If I can find it I’ll post it on my blog.
Hahaha. Awesome! I used to think I would never want to live in a house (condo dweller since I moved out of home) because there’s too much space to clean, but I want a house now so I can have more pets. No kids, just pets. Hee.