Three’s Company…

Why do things always seem to happen in three’s?

On the way home from work yesterday my mom and I were talking about Farrah Fawcet’s death and that coupled with Ed McMahon’s death earlier this week, another celebrity was tragically bound to die.

My mother figured it would be Patrick Swayze. And if my mother was the betting sort she probably would have wagered money on that thought.

I, on the other hand, was convinced the 3rd death in this cycle was going to be a surprise.

I hate being right.

When I got to the gym and on one TV  CNN was reporting Michael Jackson had been hospitalized due to cardiac arrest and on the other TV TMZ was reporting his death, I got off the elliptical, ran to get my cell phone and called my mother, my husband and my best friend.

My mtoher’s reaction was typical: ” CNN says he’s still alive.”

My husband’s reaction was: “Are you kidding?”

And My best friend didn’t answer her phone and instead texted me saying she was ‘napping’.

She got the text “Michal Jackson died” and called me 30 seconds later on the verge of a breakdown.

Michael Jackson shaped our lives more than we’ll ever realize.

Because on the soundtrack of our lives I bet you there are at least 2 Michael Jackson songs…

Mine are “The Way You Make Me Feel” and “Scream”.

What are yours?

*kisses*

No Smiley Count today…

PS: Up until a week ago I thought the lyrics to Billie Jean’s chorus were “Billie Jean is at my door” I’d like to thank my husband for setting me straight. Although I still can’t seem to hear that “Billie Jean is not [his] lover”

NYC Trip 3…

I have a theory…

You know when a door won’t close or a jar won’t open? Why do we go ‘caveman’ on it like that’s going to help?

Example: One rainy evening I was trying to get from my car to my house as quickly as possible. This was made difficult by the fact that my car door wouldn’t shut properly. Instead of opening the car door to locate the object that was obstructing it from closing, I proceed to shove and kick the door all the while yelling into the howling winds “WHY.WON’T.THIS.DOOR.CLOSE?”

Then I came to my senses opened the door to find my cellphone lodged up against the door frame. And that folks is why my LCD is broken on my phone and all of my texts come out looking funny and hard to understand.

Why did I go into the above? Simply b/c the same sort of phenomenon happens when I go to human body exhibits. Only this time instead of reverting to caveman I revert to 12 year old boy.

When I uploaded my pictures from my time spent at the Natural History Museum I noticed a common theme. See if you can spot what I’m talking about…

***This may be NSFW, but only if your work has an issue with wax models of the human body (in caveman form), or in some cases, totem poles or animals positioned to make me giggle…

Seriously though, that last one? Cannot be anything more than a museum employee trying to figure out what he can get away with…

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 2

NYC Trip: Take 2…

On Memorial Day Amy and I went to the Natural History Museum.

Whilst wandering around looking for fun things to photograph (stayed tuned for my inappropriate pictures of Cavemen) we happened upin a Native American exhibit full of totem poles.

Amy suggested that one of the totem poles looked like part of an ad for Pepto Bismol. You know which one I’m talking about?

Thus, a great idea was born…

Nausea

Heartburn

Indigestion

Upset Stomach

DIARRHEA!

I know you’re shaking your head, thinking ‘they’re  insane.’ To which we say ‘Thank You!’

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 1

May 2009 NYC Trip: Take 1…

I believe it is time to write about that trip I took to NYC two weeks ago.

You know, b/c if I don’t do it now, Lil might kill me b/c she’s been dying for me to recreate this magical night.

If you know one thing about me and NYC, it’s that I always go to the same restaurant at least once per trip.

The restaurant? Cowgirl Hall of Fame and Saloon.

My aunts introduced me to this fine establishment during the NYC trip I took with them after I had finally turned 21.

Because Cowgirl? Has the best damn margaritas on the planet.

They’re so good I made Lil get one and she really doesn’t like tequila…

…or cilantro but I’ll let her tell you all about that.

Cowgirl’s margarita’s are the kind of strong that don’t hit you until you get up from the table. And I likes that in my margaritas

They also put little plastic cows in the cups and there is endless enjoyment when those guys are around.

So the following is a recreation of me, Lil and my friend Amy after 1 and half Mason jars of Cowgirl’s margaritas…

The pink cow is Ophelia, the two blue guys are Hank and Boomerang. Hank is “horny” and Boomerang is “steering” the group along the salty path to Margarita town. Thank you Lil for your inappropriate cow dialogue

Then Ophelia got a little frisky with Boomerang which is odd for two reasons. 1) Hank is the horny one and 2) we obviously pay no attention to cow anatomy while drinking.

Realizing our egregious error Ophelia feels the only appropriate thing to do is drown herself…fitting, no?

After our cow excursion we moved onto desert. I kept trying to get Lil and Amy to order Cowgirl’s infamous desert but they want the play it safe, so I ended up getting it b/c I’ve always been curious.

It’s an ice cream Baked Potato. And it was delicious. The ice cream is rolled in cocoa powder which gives it a bit of a Le Whif appeal. The butter patty is icing. Whipped cream sour cream and green colored pecans are the chives.

Seriously delicious.

Then the cows decided they need to move onto browner(?) pastures…

Opehlia, back from the dead is now riding the butter patty. Ophelia be crazy…

Please note that the cows have been on the table, in my drink, and now in my desert. Those cows sure do get around.

More to come from my NYC adventures. Trust me, this was just the beginning of my rowdiness

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 6

Reasons to love NYC…

The subway is an endless stream of super fun characters.

For example:

On the elevator for the AirTrain we’re packed in with 4 teenagers; one of which kept saying, mighty loud, “OD!” Dude, if you want to say something obnoxiously, say it in its entirety.

When we discovered that these fabulous individuals would be joining us on our subway of choice we quickly moved down the line so as to avoid having to ride in their train car. Unfortch for us we ended up with the ‘making out’ couple instead. And by making out, I literally mean the girl took off her shoes when she got in the car and proceeded to lay down and dry hump her “man”. And his hand kept wandering down south…

Oh and they couldn’t have been older than 17.

Did I mention we were on the subway?!

Then we were on the train with a man and a woman. The man was very caring with his lady friend and even offered her the ice from his Extra Large Mickey D’s coke when someone GRAZED her foot boarding or as she put it “OW! OH MY GOD MY FOOT! OWowowowowowowow!”

The woman? Had flip flops on and had the tiniest, nastiest toenails I have ever seen.

And 4 teeth.

Then there was the train home from the theatre. A very drunk girl ran onto the train and then went “Oh! where are my friends?” Only a lot more unintelligible. Her “friends” were her girlfriends and a bunch of sailors. Did I mention it’s Fleet Week? They were all over these poor men and Amy and I were totally making fun of them within earshot.

Best part? The very drunk girl was wearing a mini jean skirt and decided about halfway through the trip that it would be super awesome to imitate Stuart. Aaaaaaand flashed me and Amy her undies.

Which I’m sure were off and on lampshade within 5 minutes of getting off that train.

What happens at Fleet week, stays at Fleet week…

The STD however, stays a lot longer. Unfortunately.

Another reason NYC is awesome that is not related to the subway? I wasn’t here 5 minutes when I called out my first douche. When de-boarding a plane it is customary to let the rows in front of you exit first, right? This guy didn’t, therefore? Douche. Then he called me out for calling him a douche and I looked at him point blank and said “well you were being a douche, so…yeah…you’re a douche”

He also didn’t cut his cell phone off during the flight so we got to hear every single time he received a text. Which happened to be every 4.5 seconds.

Also, seriously? Safety regulations…hello…

But honestly? Nothing tops getting a dead rat shoved in your face… (Scroll to #7 if you’re confused by that link. This is a story everyone must read)

So, in short, NYC is awesome thus far

As always.

(I just asked Amy if I had them all and she says “annoying, sucking face, dragon feet, and the panty-raid parade . Yep!)

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 5

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!

Today is the husband’s birthday and I must get something off my chest…

HAHA! NOW YOU’RE OLD AGAIN!

I hope you had fun these past 8 days making fun of me for being old. You started off really strong, almost making me regret being so happy-go-lucky about turning 26 but  then your comments petered off and you now have another 357 days to think of greater insults for next year and to psych yourself up to make your insults last the entire 8 days.

Now that I’ve said my peace about you being old…which by the way, you totally are…I have a few other things I’d like to say.

• I love you

• I truly hope this year turns out to be your best yet. There are so many promising things that could happen this year and you deserve to have them happen.

• I suck and haven’t gotten your birthday present yet.

• you’re old (whoops, how did that slip in there?)

• I can now tell you that for your birthday I was going to take you to the Gotham Comedy Club in NYC this weekend. But since you’re not going I’ve postponed it to our August trip. Now don’t get upset. This just means that in August you get to go to a comedy club named after the city from your favorite superhero comic for your birthday AND a Mets game for our 2nd anniversary.

• I super-de-duper love you, you’re insane, but I love you

the abominable husband

Always with that face…glad to see it runs in the family

I am still so proud of you for picking out your 80’s outfit all by yourself!

You’re my hero

perfection

(I was going to say “a match made in heaven” but didn’t want you guys to vom all over your computers)

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 7 (apparently you make me smile a whole bunch!)

Why Target Online pisses me off…

For my birthday my boss got me a $50 Target Online gift card.

Awesome right?

Turns out, not so much.

Since I was limited to only using it online I had to go into my purchasing with an idea of what I wanted to get. I hate doing that. I’m the kind of person who can wander in a store.

But, oh well. I learned long ago not to look a gift horse in the mouth and that ‘free is good, I like free.’

Go ahead, repeat that. “Free is good! I like free!” Words to live by. (You can thank my Aunt Leslie for those pearls of wisdom)

I’ve needed a new swimsuit for a while. I tried Old Navy but for some reason, even though the suit sizes change, the cup sizes remain the same. I think it should go without saying but needing a larger size in a swim suit typically has less to do with clothing size and way more to do with larger breasts.

Originally I planned on going into my neighborhood Target and trying on the swimsuits so I wouldn’t waste my time. But then my mom gave me some measuring tape and I got bored one afternoon, measured myself and ordered a swimsuit.

Here’s where it starts getting a bit sticky.

The swimsuit didn’t fulfill my entire $50 gift card and Target Online’s womens section was having a shipping sale where if I spent $50 I wouldn’t have to pay shipping.

Since shipping is what usually gets you and I see no point in wasting a perfectly good gift card on shipping costs, I scoured the website and ended up ordering a new wallet (for my NYC trip) and a new pair of jeans. Total before tax came to $50.21. I ended up just paying the tax of $3.60.

Sweet. Or so I thought.

I chose 3-5 day delivery and figured I’d be opening my packages from Target Online before the weekend.

WRONG.

When I checked the status of my order I found that my estimated date of delivery was between June 16 and July 2.

I placed my order on May 13!

Obviously I was beyond shocked.

Then I found out today that they canceled my jeans order! And I was really looking forward to those jeans too.

So now, even though I have the handy ‘track your package’ option on Target Online. I have no idea when it will arrive.

Will my new swimsuit arrive before my trip to the Lake at the end of the month?

Will my smaller wallet arrive before I head off to NYC on Friday?

Who knows…

But this is what Target Online’s helpful Order Status currently says:

Items shipped on May 14, 2009:
Delivery estimate: May 18, 2009 – Jul 2, 2009
1 package via UPS

• Merona Black Swim Slimmer Rouched 1p – 12.0
• Merona® Credit Card Holder – Red

Nothing says Awesome Customer Service like a 46 day delivery window.

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 3

Happy Day…

Do you ever wake up in the morning and just feel peace? And then your day progressively gets better and better? I’m having one of those days.

I’m sure it’s due to the fact that I’m leaving for NYC on Friday and even though the husband can’t make it this trip, a friend is coming with me? A friend who has never flown before, much less been to NYC.

But seriously, my morning went like this:

5:15 AM — Up and at ‘em, bright eyed and bushy tailed

5:30 AM — Weigh in and be happy shocked as opposed to the normal irritated shock

5:40 AM — Begin Day 28 of the 30 Day Shred

6:10 AM — Complete Day 28 of the 30 Day Shred

6:15-6:30 AM — Make lunches, eat breakfast, calculate caloric intake according to a Women’s Health magazine that I randomly got in the mail and found out to lose a pound a week I should be eating 1900 calories…can do!

6:30-6:55 AM — Shower, get dressed and realized I’m having a skinny day

6:57 AM — Phone rings, mom informs me I will be carpooling alone, which is great b/c said friend who is joining me in NYC lent me Circus to burn so I got to…

7:10-7:45 AM — ROCK OUT on the drive into work

7:45 AM — Open up my email and proceed not to flip my shit b/c of an email from a student asking me questions, the answers to which can be found in numerous places, Google included

Today is going to be a good day!

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 3

Presents…

My 26th birthday was wonderful. Better than any birthday in recent memory really. I know a lot of women people like to remain 29 for eternity but I’m thinking about staying 26.

My coworkers are awesome and got me a smiley face cookie cake to celebrate. And wouldn’t let me eat it until 1:25pm which is the time of my birth.

When I got home from work I found that my old neighbor had decorated the outside of my house. This is one of the things I thought I was going to miss out on this year since we don’t live next to them anymore, so I was very happy to pull in and find this…

And then I went inside to find out that my new neighbor had given me these…

…and a clean house! (the husband gave me that, not the new neighbor. Though she did mow our back yard that day.)

Later that evening the husband and I joined my sister, her husband and my parents at my favorite hibachi restaurant for dinner. I was a little disappointed in the service and the new size of their hot saki, but I still had a great time. As evidenced by the video found here.

I also got some fabulous presents from my family…

(that’s 2 different kinds of deviled egg carriers from my parents. Something I’ve been crazy in need of lately since its summer and my cookout staples are deviled eggs and when you don’t have a carrier the eggs tend to want to mate with each other and then they look disgusting…but still taste amazing!)

(Alice in Wonderland glasses from my sister and her husband. I’ve got two of each, 6 total, but my favorite are the card guards, I immediately started singing “Oh pardon me, but mister 3 why must you paint them red?” when I opened them.)

After dinner we stopped for a drink at B-dubs with some friends and then headed home. My new age seemed to have set in overnight, b/c yesterday morning I woke up with a tweaked back, the pain of which soon traveled to my hips. How this happened, I don’t know, but I’m almost back to 100% now. Which is good since birthday festivities continue tomorrow night with bowling! Looks like the 4th annual bowling extravaganza will be the most heavily attended! So happy

Oh, and what’s that? You want to know what the husband got me? ok…

I picked it out last night. Isn’t it wonderful? I love it.

(The ANTM finale shown in the background however, I did not love. It sucked.)

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 2 (3, if you count the cookie cake)

You say it’s your birthday…

Today is my 26th birthday.

Or as I’ve been referring to it my ‘closer to 30 than 20′ birthday.

My mother said that 26 was her hardest birthday (aside from 50) but so far my 26th is pretty wonderful.

The husband woke me up at 12:01 AM last night with this:

and sang me his traditional birthday song…

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday, dear princess
now you’re old like me too!

(the husband is 357 days older than me so for a little over a week each year he gets to make fun of me for being old too)

He then told me that even though he knows I’ve been on a diet and working really hard that I should feel free to eat anything I want today.

And boy will I

Mom just bought me a birthday scone and later I will devour some cookie cake.

And that’s just the dessert planned. Don’t even get me started on my actual meals.

This weekend I’ve planned my usual Midnight Bowling birthday party. I’ve even reserved the two lanes closest to the bar

So Happy Birthday to me.

I’m at work but I did tons of work yesterday so I could goof off and have fun all day today.**

*kisses*

Smiley Count: 4

**no worries I will still do work today, but since today is usually my financial day and I hate my financial days, I decided to get it out of the way yesterday so as to fully enjoy this day without the possibility of my head exploding!